Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
