hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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