god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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