i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
