1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
