Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
