I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
