Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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