I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
