i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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