he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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