it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
