so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
