Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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