so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
