Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
