God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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