also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
