i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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