Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
