he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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