We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
