You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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