You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i would punch a child for taco bell
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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