I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
