I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
