I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
