Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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