goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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