Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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