Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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