I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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