A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
