I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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