I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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