Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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