You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
