I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
