I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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