youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
