True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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