Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
