His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
