M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.