considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story