It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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