So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants