omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen