I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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