So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?