just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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