omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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