i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
