Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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