Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
