I'm gonna have a badass scar
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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