if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
