Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
