Sry I called you an 8
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
