yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
