yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
