you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
