I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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