I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
