sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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