and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
