please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
