Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
