he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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