I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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