Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
